Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
