Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
