Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
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