She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
