Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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