I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
