dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
