new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
