I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
