Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
