Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
