I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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