Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
