Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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