I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Someone came in the potted fern
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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