so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
