i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
