shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My liver just broke up with me...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
