I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
