This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
