4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
