I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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