I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
