I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
