He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
