Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
