I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
