and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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