Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
