So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
