I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she was so not down for the gang bang
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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