Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
