Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
