turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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