Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
