I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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