SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
