im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
