Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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