You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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