you're like a bully in the Christmas story
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
