areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
