dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All I want is dick and wine.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
