it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
