DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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