After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
