She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
