dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
