Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
