ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
